After two years of pandemic with unprecedented fears and limitations, humanity is subjected to a second shock that stigmatizes consciences and injures souls. The world has been watching the war in Ukraine in recent days with shock, which came as a surprise, as it was difficult to predict that it would see such images again. The horror of war unfolds not only in front of television screens but also those of smart devices, something that makes viewing much more direct and therefore even more traumatic.
The new everyday life that has been fatally filled with war images affects adults and children mentally. The role of parents is very important to help children manage this new reality but to achieve this they must first have faced their own “demons”.
“We have to say that depending on the development phase we speak differently but even more important is to understand that before we speak, before we open any conversation we must first have managed our own anxiety. Because it will be a very big trap to transfer our own anxiety, our own questions to the children depending on the developmental phase that they can not manage. So the first part is how we will manage our own anxiety. It is better to have a conversation with our peers first, to process our own difficulties with peers before opening any conversation with children “, emphasizes the clinical psychologist-psychotherapist and doctor of the Medical School of Athens, Dr. Anna Kandaraki.
He also notes that parents should be very careful about what kind of information they convey to the child and how much: “The second thing that matters is that we will not start a conversation with our child if he does not come to ask us questions. Once he comes and asks us a question, it is very important to understand what he is asking us and not to give more information that may eventually convey anxiety and he may not be able to process it. That is why it is important that we have entered the process of being informed, of being able to manage our own anxiety so as not to pass it on to children who will not know what to do next. “
At the same time, parents should be honest, warns Ms. Kandaraki. Therefore, there must be a balance and a measure in parental management.
“We will answer first of all that it is safe because it is very crucial to convey the feeling of security, that here” that is “we are far away and I am protecting you at the moment, but I do not know how things can come later. I protect you and we are all safe. ” There are two important parts we need to pass on to children. One is the part of security and the second is of course the part of honesty. Do not go to cover up and hide real information from the children because we will find it in front of us after a while. The child can even understand meanings, things we do not say, non-verbal meanings. And then he feels insecure because we will have lied to him and he will record them as much more difficult and much more serious situations because we will have lied to him “.
Asked whether minors should be allowed to watch images of the war on television, Ms. Kandaraki clarified: “We can not isolate children from everyday life. Obviously one needs to be extra careful not to have a TV on all day at home all the time, obviously one needs to be careful not to have children constantly in adult conversations and communications where they will hear information they will not know what to do, but we can not completely rule them out. So the important thing is to be able to take a measure “and he notes at the same time:” In case the children see some pictures on TV but do not ask, we will ask a question, such as “are you thinking of something?”, To give space to the emotion. That is, if the child comes and says mom I am afraid, or I can not sleep not to underestimate his feeling, do not tell him you should not be afraid or not afraid, because this is recorded as the guilt of feeling. It makes sense to give space to emotion. “Why are you afraid?”, “What is it that makes you afraid”, “what is it that you are thinking?”. These are the phrases that should be used first and then to reassure the child. “We are all fine, there is no war here”, but in no case should we underestimate the feeling. Because the next time he feels it, he will not communicate it to us “.
Ms. Kandaraki also emphasizes that it is crucial for parents not to focus on the rivalry of war but on values ​​that children can be taught in these difficult conditions: “This is a unique opportunity through these very difficult crises, such as war we have now, to pass on more generalized values ​​and existential values, such as peace, what war is, what it means to help our neighbor. And in no case should we go into the process of saying that we have chosen a side. That is, to say who are the good and who are the bad. Do not record good and bad. “So it is better to record general values, such as war, peace, love of neighbor, solidarity.”
According to the clinical psychologist, adults who have been deeply affected by the images of the war have already sought help.
“Now everyone’s mental resilience is being tested. Both the pandemic and the war are essentially a crisis, that is, a crack that makes a crack and from below comes out what each of us has behind us, what each of us is hiding. Either it is dark or it is light. In essence, in any crisis, the existing difficulties are reinforced. So we are tested and if we see that we can not manage it means that from behind we have not built a mentally healthy skeleton. We see that there is a very large increase in mental difficulty, there is a greater demand for mental help. There have already been people who have shown great anxiety and show either a feeling of panic attacks or a very great feeling of suspicion. That they are not safe anywhere. This was intensified by the pandemic, the feeling that there is an external danger and now it is even more intense. It is the same denominator. That there is a danger outside “, concludes Ms. Kandaraki.
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