How to deal with change (and why you find it so difficult)

You lose your job, you get fired, you hire someone you absolutely love. All of these are, of course, meaningless changes.

But sometimes Okay Changes in life can make us feel anxious, stressed, and a little sad.

Create a new job, move in with your partner, and move into a bigger, better house. Everything is fine, but it can also put us in a stressful mess.

And the same applies to small changes in our daily lives. If you eat breakfast differently than planned or change the smell of your shower gel, it seems like you’ll be off course all day.

If you have a hard time changing, surely you are not the only one. Our discomfort has a scientific basis.

“In the world of psychology, we often talk about issues like anxiety and depression,” Owen O’Kane, a psychotherapist with more than 25 years of experience in the areas of physical and mental health. We don’t talk much about change and its impact on mood and anxiety.

It is often referred to as “adjustment disorder,” with anxiety, depression, and often secondary symptoms.

“Change puts us in a very problematic position because we put comfort, security and stability in the hierarchy of basic needs: physiology, security, love and attribution, self-esteem and self-development. Because you’re ready to ask.

We feel unstable when the hierarchy of our needs is broken or threatened in some way. I’m bored. The pandemic of recent years is a clear example of this.

However, major life events such as divorce, adultery, illness, moving, and survival are known to pose significant challenges for many. Dealing with uncertainty and unpredictability is inherently difficult.

For many, the changes cause anxiety and depression, even if the changes themselves are positive or insignificant.

This is because we love things as they are. We love knowing what to expect.

When change depends on us and we have to adapt, there is a real mental tension.

“The adjustment period in life is stressful,” explains Owen. “The human condition generally prefers certainty, order and predictability.

Anxiety is defined as “intolerance of uncertainty”. Not surprisingly, unfamiliarity, unpredictability, and changing circumstances can lead to anxiety and depression.

“Life is not about telling us what we know or want to be. The problem is that we begin to resist for the rest of our lives.

The good news is that there is a way to deal with this reset. We may never be completely satisfied with the change, and it is unlikely to fundamentally change who we are. love The main obstacles in our lives: we can learn to deal with them in a healthier way.

This is what Owen recommends.

show compassion for yourself

Remember that it is natural and normal to feel that the changes are a bit balanced. Don’t hit yourself.

“Acknowledge that you’ve just been through a very difficult time and accept that you may be feeling a little unsettled,” advises Owen.

“Often in times of change we can judge ourselves harshly. It never helps.

“The amount of self-compassion goes well beyond the period of change. Stop and think about how to support your best friend in the fight before using it yourself.

Remember that when you fight, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. That means you’re human.’

Raise your voice

“Talking to someone you can trust about this change will help you navigate things,” Owen said.

“If you are having difficulty coping or have strong symptoms, always seek professional help. Sometimes periods of change and adaptation require professional support, and it is important to be aware of this.

Believe that you will be able to adjust

Making the change is the key to dealing with it. You don’t have to love change, but you have to accept it.

Owen explains: “The important thing is to have patience, learn to accept uncertainty and change, and believe that it can be handled, managed and understood.

At the end of the adjustment period, your anxiety should subside and you should feel better.

“At first, getting used to a new situation can be intuitive and unpleasant, but the more you resist life as it is, the more difficult it becomes.

“It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make healthier changes, but it does mean you should learn to accept what you can’t change.”

change your mindset

“A lot of people have unhelpful thought patterns,” Owen said. “It is well documented that periods of change can intensify bouts of critical or negative thinking.

Recent studies show that about 60% of our thoughts are made up of negative content.

Learning to turn these ideas into more useful and flexible ideas can be liberating.

For example, if you have recently experienced a difficult time of change in your life, you may encounter the following thoughts:

• This is not fair
• nothing happens to me
• i will never get over this

“Such ideas can be changed as an alternative

• Sometimes hard times happen, but they pass
• It’s hard, but there are some good things in life.
• Recover with time and patience

“How we feel about life is often more related to our reaction to the event than to the event itself.”

How to Become Your Own Therapist Owen O’Cain is now available in print, e-book, and audio download.

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