Why is it okay to hate your partner from time to time?

Love and hate are two of the most powerful emotions a person can experience.

And, as they say, the lines between them can sometimes be incredibly thin.

“Relationships aren’t static. They’re a bit more like roller coasters. Your emotions can go up and down,” explains psychologist Caron Barr.

From time to time, our partners may offend us. Whether it’s an annoying habit, what they say, or when they do what they know, they push our button.

Ness Cooper, clinical sexologist, therapist and trainer, said: And negative emotions towards someone, even when we like them.

In fact, many experts say that it’s okay to hate your partner, but it’s also important to know when it’s important.

Here are some important things to keep in mind about hate in relationships.

by tolerance

Ness says that when we cross the “tolerance window,” feelings of hate can occur, and something happens that puts the nervous system into a fight, flight, or mode.

He explains:

“It doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner made you feel that way, it’s just that you can be in the firing range when you let go of the awkwardness of stepping out of your comfort zone.”

Ness emphasizes that you don’t always know how to express discomfort in a healthy way, but it’s important to know when it’s happening.

“Learning to tolerate your discomfort will help you navigate these negative emotions in a healthier way in the future,” he continues.

CathyPress, a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor specializing in issues related to abuse, may hate some of a partner’s behaviors and habits, but may also feel love for them.

“It depends on your tolerance level and how good you are in your relationship,” she says.

If you are in a new relationship, you may think that they will change a bit over time. If you’re in an established relationship, you may be used to his actions.

However, it is worth considering how much you dislike certain behaviors. If it can be overcome in the long run.

Kathy adds, “You can try to ignore what you don’t like, but it will drive a wedge between you.”

You may hate what they do, not them.

Hating someone is pretty extreme.

Experts point out that feelings of hate can occur if you don’t like your partner, but especially if you don’t like them as a person.

Ness says, “When we feel uncomfortable with our partner, we may experience a ‘blood factor.’ This usually happens after the obsessive-compulsive stage of relationships, when you’re learning to have a personal identity again while having an affair together.” Identity.

“Essentially, you’re learning that your partner is human. And sometimes you may find that you don’t like their behavior, but does it affect your relationship? Now you can choose whether to do it or not.

“It helps us determine if a relationship is worth it, if you work and are willing to admit that you love them even with their flaws, or if you just decide to end it, you have a choice.

When is hate a problem?

The main thing about hate is how long it lasts.

Caroline said: “Most people hate their partner at some point, which is perfectly normal.

This is a situation if the feelings of hate are situations, and after the conflict is resolved, they pass and take various forms.

However, if the feeling of hate is a slow-growing resentment that is always present, increases with each conflict, and is not resolved, this indicates a conflict.

Thinking “I hate you” can actually be part of evaluating a partner to assess what isn’t working.

“It feels good to have a little change. The problem is people who don’t change or leave.

Elena Turoni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of the Chelsea Psychology Clinic, also emphasizes the difference between frequent irritation and long-term hate.

“When irritation turns to hatred or contempt, it’s definitely a sign that there’s a problem,” he adds.

Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist best known for predicting marital stability and divorce, describes contempt as the biggest threat to any relationship and the biggest predictor of divorce.

Ness also points out that hate can also be a sign of an abusive relationship.

“If your partner doesn’t try to help you work through unpleasant feelings and even ignores them, hate may be the response to this because of an abusive relationship,” she adds.

Have a story to share?

Please contact us by email.