Artillerywoman overcomes depression and finds herself in the floodplain: ‘Football has always been a struggle’

When the referee signaled the penalty in the 25th minute of the second half, Suellen Silva do Nascimento, 32, put the ball under his arm and waited. It was a metaphor for his football life. Putting matches under your arm by dominating them on the field. And wait for the big opportunity.

He took the charge, hit the right corner and ran to celebrate. He hit his chest. He pointed with his index finger at the floor, as if he were Cristiano Ronaldo.

It was the move that gave Palmeirinha, from Paraisópolis, south of São Paulo, the title of Copa Camisa 10, the first free women’s soccer tournament in the capital’s floodplain.

“Football is my biggest passion. I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s a love relationship, despite everything”, he defines.

The “despite everything” is because the ball was once the biggest hope in Suellen’s life and huge disappointment.

Sadness that contributed to his drinking problem, panic attacks and depression. “I didn’t want to leave the house,” she says.

The attacker’s story is the same as that of several girls who tried to play women’s football in professional teams in São Paulo in recent decades. A circle of hope, trial, error and disappointment.

It was in the floodplain, in Palmeirinha, that she met again after a long time and where she says she is happy to act for the first time in years. The competition page on Instagram made a poll to choose the best player of the tournament. The community mobilized to elect her.

“I didn’t play soccer for two years. I didn’t think about anything else. I had anxiety, panic attacks. I felt really bad, I was afraid of the street. I couldn’t work. A girl from CATS [Clube Atlético Taboão da Serra] called me to play at Palmeirinha and, as she insisted, I ended up going to a match”, he explains.

It was much better than I expected.

“I’ve been there for three years, and I was received very well. They give me transportation, food, they’re always concerned. There’s a barbecue for the athletes after the games.

Suellen drew attention early in street matches, alongside and against boys. She went to audition at Juventus, on Rua Javari, at the age of 16. She was eventually approved and invited to stay at the clubhouse. Was a dream. Work with a traditional team, with a professional cast. It could be the gateway. It was not.

“I was born with a gift for football and I never cared when I heard those usual things: go wash the dishes, a woman doesn’t have to play ball… That nonsense. But it was very difficult at Juventus because I didn’t have financial support from anyone and I didn’t earn anything. The club only provided accommodation, and I had to walk to and from training. It was far. You can imagine what a girl, a teenager, is like, out of the house and without money to buy toiletries.. .”, he recalls.

She decided to leave. She was too sacrificing. She returned home, and a spot appeared on the city’s team, CATS.

“It was closer, but the same story. There was no support. Nothing. We trained every day without earning a penny. I often heard people tell me to give up. But football always spoke louder.”

To earn some money, she began to balance her life as a gamer with that of a telemarketer. Sometimes, she managed to go to practices and games. Sometimes no. Although Cristina, her mother, was supportive, there wasn’t much else to do. Suellen’s father died when she was 13 years old.

Juventus called her back with a promise to pay R$200 a month. She went. The stay was as big as the salary. She gave up and started doing odd jobs to support herself. She was a production assistant, worked in a restaurant

“Football, for me, was always a struggle. It never gave me anything, and I insisted and insisted”.

The unexpected reward arrived with the floodplain. She is as good with the sport as ever before. She manages a bar in Taboão, is married to her namesake Suellen, who accompanies her to games, and plays for Palmeirinha.

The striker follows the growth of women’s football, is happy with it, but expects more. You know it won’t be for her. At 32, it is no longer feasible for her to act as a professional. But if it happens to the new generations, she will be happy.

“What I hope is equality. This is my only fight these days. I’m not going to live off football. I don’t want it for myself, but for the people who will come. I believe in that. I’ve played with a lot of girls who managed to live off football. But most of the stories are of those who didn’t make it”, he concludes.