Sunday passed, and today is another ordinary day. The coffee is already on the table, the child has already showered, took the vitamin that the pediatrician prescribed, is in school uniform and has a backpack ready. Inside it, she has the notebook, the healthy snack, the fever medicine, the toothbrush. Everything is ready, just take it to school. Do you pick up at 5pm? On the way back, dinner will be ready.
This week, she will be away for a day, traveling for work. The mother-in-law asked to keep the child. “No, he can handle it.” A sheet of notebook and all the instructions: “Wake up at 7 am. Bath (takes the Spider-Man doll he likes for the bath). Gives the vitamin, three drops. Bread, butter, a fruit and a glass of milk for coffee (there’s everything in the fridge)…”. All explained and chewed up on a double-sided page.
“She went away for work, can you believe it? She left her son with the poor father.”
In the middle of the afternoon, the father complains: “You didn’t tell him you were running out of butter. I’m at the supermarket, do you need anything else?”
It needs. Can you help to think? Sometimes it’s “just” that’s what’s missing.
Today is no longer Sunday, mother’s day, it’s just every mother’s day. Days when they think of everything and, when they can’t do everything, they count on their help to execute. They will be judged for what they think, for what they do, and especially when they don’t think or don’t do it. They will be praised for the (little) they do, and spared from criticism when they don’t.
The only day that isn’t “mother’s” is the second Sunday in May – the only one when, normally, she doesn’t have to make breakfast, lunch, bathe her son. “Today you do nothing.” But every other day…
The big daddy is the one that corresponds to 1% of the expectation that the mother needs to fulfill.
The mother who bathes, feeds the child, takes him to the doctor, takes care of him when he is sick, helps with school chores, is a mother. The parent who does this will earn lifelong praise for the basics. Have you noticed that it’s really THE BASIC? Feeding the child you brought into the world, making sure he’s clean, healthy, studying… Isn’t that the least?
But society expects the mother to do this while expecting the father to do nothing. Result: the woman is always 100% overworked, while the man will be glorified if he does anything. And his glory will, at the same time, have its finger pointed at her. “Look how amazing, he EVEN showers.” “Wow, she can’t even shower.”
Do you realize that, with this logic, the account will never close? The equality that we seek will never be achieved as long as the demands are directed only to women. The law could change and offer maternity and paternity leave equally divided between men and women (as in countries like the United Kingdom, with Shared Parental Leave), companies’ thinking could evolve to not discriminate against mothers when hiring, malls will be able to offer the “family” version so that men can also change their children’s diapers… But as long as the day-to-day judgments (coming from all sides, let’s say) continue, women will never be truly free to mother in peace.
Because, nowadays, as it is, motherhood is synonymous with guilt. It is not “suffering in paradise”, it is “suffering” in purgatory itself, where mothers are to be judged – and, normally, condemned.
Even when they are super champions, the criticism doesn’t stop. Serena Williams should have stopped playing games to take care of her daughter. Tamires should not leave his son with his father or grandmother to compete in a World Cup. What bad time did Alex Morgan choose to be a mother, couldn’t wait for the Olympics?
The burden is heavy and unfair. Shall we help relieve him?
I have worked in the news industry for over 10 years. I have a vast amount of experience in covering health news. I am also an author at News Bulletin 247. I am highly experienced and knowledgeable in this field. I am a hard worker and always deliver quality work. I am a reliable source of information and always provide accurate information.
