American journalist finds ‘list of dreams’ and fulfills wishes of father, who died 20 years ago

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On December 27 last year, American journalist Laura Carney, 44, marked the last of 54 items on a list of tasks to do before you die. Her health, however, was fine; the compilation was not originally made by her, but by her father, who died in 2003.

“She wanted to find a way to understand her father a little bit more,” Carney’s husband, Steven Seighman, told The Washington Post. “As soon as we saw the list, we immediately thought: this is it.”

It was 2016 when her brother found the paper, lost under a suede bag with his father’s driver’s license. The list, written in 1978, the year Carney was born, included activities already completed, such as “doing a comedy monologue in a bar” and “watching a World Series game [campeonato americano de beisebol] live.” One (“return $1,000 to my father, with interest”) was marked as a failure.

And others remained to be done: driving a Corvette, planting a watermelon and exchanging correspondence with the pope. In all, there were 54 of the original 60 tasks. Carney told the American newspaper that completing the list was something she needed to get in touch with herself. “I was still carrying the grief and trauma, but I had no idea about it,” said the woman, who carried out the tasks with her husband, her brother or alone.

His father, Michael, was 54 when he was hit by a 17-year-old driver who was talking on the phone while driving and ran a red light in Limerick, Pennsylvania. For a long time, she didn’t talk about it. “It seemed such an undignified way to die,” said the 25-year-old at the time.

Years later, the journalist became an activist for traffic safety, writing articles and giving talks and interviews. The list came about as an opportunity to move past the pain and reconnect with Michael. “It helped me understand him and see him as a whole human being, not just my father.”

Until she found the list, according to the report she made to the Washington Post, she thought she was more like her mother, but, as she completed the tasks, she discovered many similarities with her father. “He was a dreamer. He knew what it meant to be alive, he knew how to have fun.”

To talk to the president, one of the goals listed on the paper, Carney went to Georgia to meet Jimmy Carter, who was at the head of the White House when Michael compiled his goals —she discovered that the now former American leader taught at a Sunday school there.

There were also trips to New Orleans, San Diego, Las Vegas, Chicago, Paris, London and Vienna. Some items on the list were accomplished effortlessly: running 10 miles (16 km), for example, was easy, as she had already paid the registration fee for a marathon. But dreams that could not be realized were adapted. One was “singing at my daughter’s wedding”; to replace the task, she opened a wine purchased in 1978 that had the note “open on Laura’s wedding day”.

(A bottle of the same brand was purchased and reserved for the niece, in order to fulfill the dream of “dancing at my granddaughters wedding”.)

Carney later wrote the list himself and encourages others to do the same. “It helps to start living with more intentions. When you have intentions, you feel more purpose in life.”

At the end of last year, she completed her father’s last task: recording five songs – the deadline for completing the list, 2020, had to be postponed due to the pandemic. She chose Michael favorites like Jim Henson’s “The Rainbow Connection” and The Beatles’ “Good Night”.

Soon, the book that tells the journey completing the list will be released in the US. The publication was named “My Father’s List: How Living my Dad’s Dreams Set me Free”. “This is a story about secrets — and the freedom we feel when we learn to trust again: in life, in love, and in a parent’s lessons on how to live fully.”

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