What are the signs that will lead you to understand if you are a “bulldozer” parent, in what cases we manifest such behavior and how this syndrome can negatively affect the child’s psychology.
Parenting today seems to be a science. Being a parent brings many responsibilities and challenges. Every conscientious parent must take responsibility for the upbringing and education of his child. However, this role is probably the most difficult and at the same time the most wonderful that we will be called to take on.
The truth is that you do not get any paper with instructions, that if you follow them you will become the best mom or the best dad. Every parent wants the best for their child and uses every means to ensure it.
However, not all their actions work positively for the child, at least for his future development. A common behavior pattern is bulldozer parent syndrome, which we will analyze.
The characteristics of the parent – bulldozer
Parents who are overly involved in their children’s personal lives and choices suffer from this syndrome. They consider it their responsibility to make decisions about matters concerning their lives, such as going to school, so that children passively accept their parents’ choices.
It is important to make it clear that they have no ill intentions to harm them, on the contrary they constantly intervene in their lives, believing that this is how they protect them. We are talking about an overprotective behavior, with the parent getting involved in the fate of his child, removing from his life anything he considers an obstacle for him.
What are the effects on the child
Destroying every possible obstacle that the child could encounter is a success for the bulldozer parent. But does the same apply to the child? Psychologist Suzie Sharman concludes that this behavior can create insecurities in the child and in the future we may meet a psychologically fragile and weak adult. By never facing failure he does not shield himself against future “dangers”. Therefore, the child does not acquire defense strategies and dealing with possible future problems. He is easily overwhelmed by fear, has low self-esteem and will always seek help and solutions from others.
It is never too late for change
If you suspect that he has appropriated such behaviors then you will need help, mainly to relax. Author Julie Lythcott – Haims presents her book How To Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare your Kid for Success, which addresses the pitfalls parents can fall in raising their children and gives tips for how to allow them to acquire critical thinking and autonomy.
Stop making decisions for the child, acting for him instead and having complete control over his life. When you take on tasks that concern the child, his subconscious translates it as “I’m not good enough … that’s what my mom does”. Keep in mind that sometimes you will need to suppress your own anxieties and phobias and stand up for your child by showing him your undivided trust. Every time you give him space to make his own choices, it is like taking it for granted that he will succeed!
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