Men face stereotypes and seek help to take care of mental health

In front of hundreds of people and the cameras, a UFC fighter, who has just won the duel, gets emotional. Not just for the conquest, but for his friend taking his own life. In an environment where testosterone reigns, Briton Patrick “Paddy” Pimblett asks men to open up.

“There’s a stigma in this world that men can’t complain. Listen, if you’re a man and you’re carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders, and you think the only solution is to kill yourself, please talk to someone. Talk to anyone. .”

The fighter’s appeal is not without foundation. As children, we heard that men don’t cry, that they can’t take home insults. In adolescence, we have masculinity in doubt if we show feelings. As we become adults, faced with testimonies about how this type of upbringing is troubled, we hear “in my time it was like this and I’m fine today”. And we often end up replicating this cycle when we become parents.

In recent times, however, male mental health has gained prominence in social networks, medical campaigns and Brazilian homes. Psychologist Mário Sabino credits the considerable increase in information and content on the internet for more men to seek medical help during the pandemic.

“It was possible to have some significant changes in stigmas and social beliefs about the need for psychotherapeutic space and men’s access to health spaces”, points out the professional, who works in Salvador.

He points out that it’s no use just asking men to open up, to make themselves vulnerable. It is also necessary to understand how to welcome them. “Caring for men is knowing that their narratives and complaints are not the same. They are different, because they are crossed by race, class, sexualities, bodies, regionalities, among other experiences.”

There’s a long way to go when it comes to men’s mental health. Among men, the suicide mortality rate was 10.7 per 100,000 in 2019, while among women this figure was 2.9, according to data from the Ministry of Health.

According to Diogo Amazonas, hospital manager at the Francisca Júlia Institution – CVV (Centro de Valorização da Vida), which assists people with mental disorders, as men tend to be more closed about their feelings, they keep suicidal thoughts longer, that makes them more effective when they try to take life.

“Men seek help last, because of the issue of prejudice, of machismo. They do not accept to be placed in a position of vulnerability, but rather in a condition of being strong, of being powerful”, he explains.

When it comes to the population with lower purchasing power, mental health is not usually a priority, says the diarist Tiago Haka – and this is not exclusive to poor men. “Between eating and going to therapy, people will prefer to eat,” he says.

He had already been in therapy years ago, but stopped when the health post near his home stopped offering professional follow-up. The diarist returned to rely on psychological help when he gained prominence on social media by posting cleaning tips and cleaning products.

Haka, who likes to have everything under his control, found himself in an uncontrollable situation. “I’m a person who, when I feel uncomfortable, I throw everything away and give up on things. I’ve always been like that and said ‘no, this time I’m going to face it’.” He says that, in therapy sessions, he brings up issues of his upbringing and his past, but that he previously pretended they didn’t exist.

In addition to the stigma that men should not show their emotions and weaknesses, there is the opposite, that gay men are very sentimental and are always crying. Haka, who is gay, escapes that stereotype. “I can only feel emotionally comfortable when I feel that energy that I’m going to have affective retributions. I have a hard time saying ‘I love you,'” he explains.

In her social media profiles, in addition to talking about her work as a day laborer, Haka opens up and tells about her personal life. The attitude also generates comments from followers who identify with him.

Another influencer who stands out for addressing stereotypes and taboos involving toxic masculinity is Fábio Manzoli, responsible for @masculinidadesaudavel. In his profile, he says that the intention of his posts is “to help men deal with their emotions and with their feminine side”.

With 135,000 followers, he says he discovered that this repression of feelings led him to be explosive and to have addictions to illicit substances and pornography, as well as influencing his romantic relationships.

Today he organizes a retreat for, according to his website, “the development of emotional intelligence and a more conscious sexuality”.

In his TEDx talk, Manzoli says that, when he was 3 years old, when he expressed his fear of the dark and the boogeyman, his father, holding a whip at the bedroom door, told him to swallow his tears, without ever hitting him. This caused the little one to freeze and panic.

“I learned that a man cannot be afraid. It brought me severe complications, such as chronic low self-esteem, disruptive behavior – he was verbally aggressive and got out of my mind – and also depression and anxiety”, he explains in his lecture. Manzoli says he has improved in recent years by coming to terms with his past problems.

Sabino, the psychologist at the beginning of the text, highlights that men who need help or are going through some difficult time should turn to their support network, such as friends and family with whom they most identify, as well as specialized professionals.

“It is important to be aware of the symptoms and how your body has been experiencing your reality. Check your needs and, if it is not possible to do it alone, guide yourself and look for the safest channel to help you.” According to him, taking care of oneself is a political, healthy and responsible act.

Where to get help?

• Look for the UBS (Basic Health Unit) or the Caps (Psychosocial Care Center) closest to your home
• In case of an emergency, contact Samu (Mobile Emergency Service) by calling 192
• Talk to a volunteer from the CVV (Centro de Valorização da Vida) by calling 188 (free call from any landline or cell phone nationwide) or visit www.cvv.org.br