How I revealed my cancer to ‘crushes’ on a dating app

A year after being diagnosed with breast cancer at age 29, Katherine Crowson was wondering when she could get her love life back on track.

At the time, the management consultant, originally from Edinburgh, Scotland, was still undergoing chemotherapy and radiation therapy, but wanted to know when she would get her life back.

“I was browsing Google at 3 am when I found a newspaper article. I remember seeing a lot of responses from people saying that they wouldn’t mind dating someone who had cancer, but would rather they finish their treatment sooner,” he recalls. “I remember finding that ridiculous.”

Still, initially she decided to postpone her plans to return to the world of relationships. A few weeks later, however, Katherine changed her mind and made a profile on a dating app.

“The next dilemma was which picture to use in my profile, because at that point, because of chemotherapy, my hair was only an inch long,” says the young woman, now 32.

“I was wearing long blonde wigs, but my natural hair color was brown.”

“Long hair didn’t represent who I was at the time, but I also didn’t want cancer to be my defining characteristic,” he adds.

She ended up using a selection of different photos for her profile, but without expressly saying that she had cancer – which made her feel that she was “deceiving” her interlocutors in the early stages of communication.

From the moment the conversation left the app, however, she decided that she would tell people about her treatment.

“I told them they could stop writing to me if my cancer was seen as a problem.”

“But nobody was upset about it. It has a lot to do with the way you present yourself. It’s your attitude of not putting that as a problem – I wasn’t applying for a job”, he points out.

Katherine spent a year living at her father’s house after her diagnosis, and decided to leave in the spring of 2021.

She was still on the dating app when she moved into an apartment she shared with two guys.

When he visited the property, he explained that he had cancer and asked if that would be a problem.

“We said no and agreed that she could move,” says 30-year-old Angus MacPhail, one of the residents.

Coincidentally, Angus was using the same dating app as Katherine, and later that night, he liked a photo of her – who responded by claiming to be his new roommate.

“I was embarrassed, I didn’t know where to put my face,” he says. “When she visited the apartment, she had short hair, she was wearing a mask. In the photos on the app, her hair was long”, he justifies.

Katherine came to know a “very understanding” person, but the relationship did not go forward and they broke up near the end of her chemotherapy process.

Angus then asked her out, and she said yes.

“Katherine and I have very open communication, we talk a lot, we became best friends and started dating,” says the boy.

“My parents and sister both had cancer. It affects everyone, so it’s never been a problem for me. It’s been hard to help her with her cancer, but it’s all worth it.”

When he needs it, Angus talks to professionals at a non-profit organization in Edinburgh that provides services to families and people close to cancer patients.

the diagnosis

Katherine was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in March 2020.

She felt a small lump in her armpit and went to the doctor, who found a larger lump in her breast.

“I was really scared when my clinician referred me to a specialist breast center,” he recalls.

“Relationships in the midst of a cancer diagnosis are often challenging, especially when they’re new,” said Andrew Anderson, head of Maggie’s Edinburgh, a nonprofit that helps cancer patients.

“The impact of cancer can vary greatly from person to person, and it’s really important to give yourself time to recover and then look at what you need in a new relationship.”

“After having taken advantage of this time, face the future with health and deal with the opportunities that exist for you”, he adds.

Katherine continues to have preventative treatment that includes monthly injections and biannual infusions to strengthen her bones. She decided to freeze eggs.

“I’ll have to wait and see if I can still have kids.”

“And there are many other signs that tell me I’m still not back to normal. My heart rate increases with any physical exertion and my arms go numb. It’s a side effect of the treatment, one of many things I’m having to get used to. .”

Still, Katherine reckons that “coming out of cancer treatment makes you feel like you need to embrace life and live life to the fullest.”

“As I had cancer and spent 18 months in treatment, I want to say ‘yes’ to everything.”