Women fake orgasm out of insecurity and worry about partners, study says

Women who find it difficult to climax in sex fake orgasm more often. The conclusion, confirmed by a study, may seem obvious, but the researchers went further and tried to understand what the reasons behind it are.

According to the scientific work, published in the journal Sexual Medicine, of the International Society of Sexual Medicine, there are two main reasons that lead women to pretend to have had an orgasm even when they didn’t get there: the fear of undermining the partner’s self-esteem and the insecurity of passing the impression that there is something wrong with them.

The authors of the article are scientists at the Institute of Psychology at Eötvös Lorand University in Budapest and at the University of Valparaíso in Indiana, USA. They administered an online questionnaire to 2,200 women with questions about demographic and medical data and sexual history, particularly in relation to orgasm.

We selected 360 heterosexual and cisgender women, who had already masturbated, were in a relationship with sex and admitted to having pretended to have an orgasm at some point in their lives. They averaged 32 years of age and had been in a relationship of seven years.

According to estimates, 30% to 75% of women have faked an orgasm in their lifetime, and this rate increases for younger women. The researchers were surprised, however, that this happened even in long-term relationships. “This pattern of faking orgasm might be expected in short-term or early-stage relationships, but we were quite surprised to find this pattern in women in ongoing relationships,” the authors say.

Analysis of the responses showed that the more difficulty women had with orgasm, the more they faked it, and also that the two biggest motivations for this behavior were fear of hurting their partner’s self-esteem and insecurity of being considered abnormal or dysfunctional — especially this last one.

The conclusions come as no surprise to gynecologist Carolina Ambrogini, a specialist in female sexuality and coordinator of the Center for Female Sexuality at Unifesp (Federal University of São Paulo). The doctor explains that factors such as anxiety, the judgment of the other and the expectation of a great performance hinder the intimate relationship. Corroborating this, the study highlighted that one of the reasons for a person to fake orgasm is insecurity about the body and performance.

“People think that sex is a natural thing and has to be performed. But nobody is born knowing”, observes the gynecologist. For her, it’s important to masturbate and “understand what turns you on.”

Carolina also criticizes the emphasis given to orgasm, which can get in the way of reaching climax. “In our society, orgasm is concrete proof that sex was good, but the main reason people have sex should be to connect with each other.”

The gynecologist Teresa Embiruçu, a specialist in human sexuality and a member of the Coletivo Ser – Sexualidade e Saúde, says that, in her office, she still sees women who have never taken a mirror to look at their own vulva. “The intimate region is still better known for the epilator, the sexual partner and the gynecologist”, jokes Teresa.

Another factor that leads to faking orgasm, according to the study, is relationship dissatisfaction.

“It is very common for us to see the dynamics of the relationship impact sexual satisfaction”, points out Embiruçu. The way out chosen by many women is to pretend that everything is fine in sex and in the relationship, to avoid unwanted conversations and the exposure of flaws.

role of machismo

According to the experts heard by the report, machismo and conservatism play a significant role in this result, not only because they negatively judge women who seek to know their bodies and have an active sex life, but also because they leave men with responsibility. partner’s orgasm.

Criticizing a partner’s performance hurts the male ego. “How are you going to say you don’t like it?”, asks Embiruçu. “People grow up thinking they know, that they dominate and that the woman has to come only with the penis. If that doesn’t happen, she still has to hear that she’s different from the others and that she has a problem.”

“Machismo doesn’t like women to know more about their bodies and argues that this should not be a straight woman’s behavior”, says Carolina Ambrogini. “However, with feminism and greater awareness, this reality is changing. We’ve been talking more about it,” she adds.

the orgasm path

For those who would like to stop faking orgasm, the indication is self-knowledge and, depending on the case, sex therapy. Furthermore, communication plays an important role in this change.

“To achieve an orgasm, a woman must be free to follow her desire and her lust”, guides Ambrogini, from Unifesp. “The more prey and hampered we are by the other’s reaction, the more difficult we will have for orgasm to manifest freely”.

Leaving performance aside and focusing on sensations is Teresa Embiruçu’s recommendation. “The race for sexual performance gets in the way and takes the focus away from the smell of the skin, the touch and everything that is happening there”, she recalls.